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Patents of Idiots: US Patent Office
The United States Patents and Trademark Office, USPTO, has issued over Six Million patents. Many of these are extremely useful and profitable to the inventor and society. Applying for a patent is fairly expensive. Between forms, attorneys, and patent examiner charges these costs are a minimum of $5,000, and a patent will take at least two years to be issued. Huge costs and a long wait did not thwart these “Modern Edison’s” from applying and being granted these crazy patents. These are all actually issued and assigned!
This invention is designed to control traffic. These Traffic Stopping Gloves are used to supplement the traffic signals and stop signs. By positioning said gloves over hand which extends from users arm, and by thrusting the gloves in a pronated rotation directly in front of moving vehicle the driver of said moving vehicle will be compelled to immediately stop. Said “S-T-O-P” verbiage is enclosed and surrounded by the shape of a stop sign further alerting driver to stop said vehicle prior to potentially striking glove wearer and/or user. Gloves are composed of special fabric to facilitate easy cleaning of “hard to remove” stains such as blood, engine oil, road salt, burnt rubber, and asphalt. Field Test Results: vehicles stopped 54% of the time without striking glove wearer. When struck, vehicles were slowed by 15%.
Traffic Stopping Gloves
Exercise device to allow user to perform a classic “push-up” exercise without having to use one’s toes. Also the user can be strapped to said device by partner so he doesn’t fall when performing said “push-up”.
Patent Granted in April, 2006, Patent Licensed to: NO ONE, Units Sold year-to-date: ZERO, Consumer Reports Rating: DECLINED to RATE, Injuries Reported: Inventor DISLOCATED BOTH ELBOWS, CRACKED PELVIS, and FRACTURED LEFT FEMUR on only the 2nd repetition while demonstrating to his church social group.
Push-Up Corsette
This innovative invention was recently issued. It is designed to protect a sunbather from the harmful rays of the sun while still allowing the user to breath, if desired. The covering is composed of a material which will traverse the users body both laterally and longitudinally effectively protecting the user from sun rays. Additional benefits are no need for sunscreen lotion or bathing suits.
INVENTOR’S NOTE: This invention is available for immediate licensing and development. I would encourage all manufacturers and retailers to provide bids before the 2006 Summer season is over (it may be too cold for winter use, though I am developing a winter parka version) I am available for demonstrations. Minimum bid, $30 million.
Sunscreen Towel
Rock Climbing with Velcro
Memories & Impressions of an Era